The Extent
It is no secret that the average man looks at pornography much more frequently than the average woman, yet research shows that women are starting to look at porn much more than they had, say, even 5 years ago. So it is safe to say that this is not just a “guys” problem, or even something that only anti-social, sexually frustrated people are dealing with. Whether you are a guy, or a girl, a Christian or an atheist, a virgin or sexually active, porn is something that knows no boundaries and can grab a hole of anyone, regardless f our age, gender, religious beliefs, sexual practices, etc. So take heart, you are not alone if you are struggling with pornography (the numbers are scary as to how many people are in fact struggling with it).
But, what most people underestimate is the immensity of the problem and its effects.
Naming the Problems
In his book The Centerfold Syndrome, Dr. Gary Brooks points out five effects the visual stimulants in our culture and in pornography have on men.
I. Voyeurism
Have you ever walked across Pepperdine’s campus and found yourself unable to stop checking out each attractive woman you pass? Our culture has exploited sexuality so much in advertisements, television, and magazines that it has broken down men’s natural ability to avoid these thoughts. This leads to voyeurism in which men obtain pleasure by looking at women from a distance rather than interacting with them in meaningful relationships.
II. Objectification
There comes a time at which you have looked at women in so many pictures, fantasized about them so frequently, and been tempted so thoroughly, that you are no longer looking at women as people, but as objects of personal gratification. When men objectify women, they look at their bodies but do not see the real person inside.
III. The Need for Validation
Does seeing that your best friend’s girlfriend seems more attractive than your own cause you to feel inadequate? The continual onslaught of pornographic imagery flooding our lives frequently teaches men that they should be dating a certain type of woman with a certain type of look. When men begin to live out this need, they may find they are never satisfied with any woman because they are continually searching for something “better” as a way of validating themselves.
IV. Trophyism
Rather than seeing women as people who are worthy of a genuine relationship, a woman becomes like a trophy on the mantle. The man uses her to show his value to others.
V. Fear of Intimacy
After culture gets done teaching all these other lessons about what men should seek in women, it is no wonder their willingness for intimacy is also compromised. After continual exposure to physical relationships with little
emotional content, the fear of something genuine naturally ensues.
Add to this the great potential for increased aggression, relational devastation, self-esteem issues, etc. it is safe to say that pornography and the effects it has on us is a big deal, a VERY big deal.